Bridgette's Story (1982)

I always liked drinking and what it did to me. It made me feel happier, more confident, and more in control. I started drinking at age 16 but didn’t have problems with it until I was in my 30’s. Then my drinking became an absolute nightmare. I was a bartender. My boss was an alcoholic too, so we had a great time together. We’d close the bar at night, drink until sunrise, and then I’d go home. This went on for five years. Then my boss died and the new owner didn’t like my drinking.  

I left that job because he wouldn’t let me drink there anymore. So I just stayed home and drank. I lived off my savings for two years. In the early morning hours, if I had to, I’d drink Nyquil or something else with alcohol in it, until the bars opened again. I got up to a quart of vodka a day. I had a bottle of vodka on the nightstand in case I woke up at night. I had to drink to be “normal.” I couldn’t think without drinking. I had to keep on drinking, or I would go into withdrawal and have convulsions. I had convulsions many times and was hospitalized three or four times.  

I had lots of experience with alcohol when I was growing up. After my dad died, we moved into a small flat with lots of people. My mom was sick a lot. When she went to the hospital we’d stay with her mother. There were three of us kids and we could not make any noise. If we woke her up, we got hit. Grandma would drink and pass out. She would leave us alone when she went to the bar. My maternal grandmother died in her 60’s from malnutrition.